Everything has changed
by Eclareforever93
Summary: What happens when you're in love with your best friend and he hasn't a clue? Can Clare handle sitting on the sidelines watching as Eli goes through the motions of life including a romance with another girl and do nothing will she speak up or crumble.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's note- I've been inspired! This story will be taking place in the season 10 time frame but not exactly because technically Clare will meet Eli when she's in grade nine so when it starts she will have known him for a while. It will not be following the storyline of the show but will have some elements/moments thrown in. It will also have occ and AU qualities. Just give it a chance guys:)**_

It's a beautiful spring morning the flowers are blooming and the gentle breeze in the air feels wonderful as it blows through my hair. I walk into to doors of degrassi like any other day making my way to my locker. I pass by many familiar faces but none that stand out. I open my locker and get my books out before shutting it. I jump at the face of my best friend behind it catching me off guard.

"Eli, don't do that you scared me half to death I say calming my racing heart.

"sorry Clare, I didn't expect you to be so jumpy" he jokes.

"yes you did, we've been friends for how long?" I say accusingly cocking an eyebrow at him.

"okay, maybe you're right." he smirks leaning against a locker.

The butterflies flutter around in my stomach. I can't help but wonder if he can see through me and just chooses to ignore it or if he is actually oblivious to my true feelings. The way I hide my feelings for him is like a master of disguise the outside completely opposite of the inside. My heart skips a beat every time our eyes meet when he smiles at me it's like I can't breath but somehow I hide the storm of emotion filling my body behind small talk and witty banter and I've done it smoothly ever since the day we met a year ago. I can still smell the fresh rain and hear the sound of the roaring thunder outside.

 _Flashback:_

 _I'm sitting beside a tree at degrassi on a chilly fall afternoon, tears are streaming down my rosy colored cheeks as I try to calm my breathing only getting more worked up by the passing minutes. I feel my body start to quiver. My boyfriend just broke up with me for another girl jenna; a girl who's more fun than me, prettier than me and probably the most important thing more sexual than me. I mess with my purity ring pulling it off my finger considering throwing it far away all it is, is a burden a reminder that this will keep happening to me._

" _Are you okay?" A mysterious boy with dark hair and matching clothes asks._

" _I-I" I try to answer but my voice cracks and I begin to cry even harder hugging myself tightly. Suddenly I feel another pair of arms around me_

" _hey, it's okay you don't need to tell me. Everything will work out okay?" the mysterious boy says holding me tightly._

" _my boyfriend broke up with me for someone else all because of this stupid ring" I say throwing it not bothering to fight the stranger off me._

" _ring?" he asks_

" _purity ring, no sex until marriage it's a curse" I sob resting my head on his chest as if I know him._

" _if he can't accept that, you don't want him I promise" he says sincerely lifting my face up._

 _And that's when everything changed our eyes met and I got lost in the most captivating green Hugh I've ever seen. I felt my heart speed up and my breath hitch this boy was the most mesmerizing person I've ever laid eyes on._

" _you have pretty eyes" he said staring into them with an intrigued look._

" _th-thanks" I stutter our moment was short lived when freezing cold rain came pouring down._

 _He grabbed my hand and pulling me toward the parking lot we came to a hearse he opened the door and I go in without hesitation something about him made me trust him even though I didn't even know his name. He closed the door and ran to the drivers side. When he gets in we look at each other and start hysterically laughing at the top of our lungs for no reason it was like we were connecting on a level I've never experienced.. When we finally calmed down he put his jacket over my shoulders._

" _you were shivering" he says with a smirk that was all consuming._

" _thanks?" I reply questioningly considering I don't know his name hoping he'd get the hint._

" _Eli Goldsworthy and I'd love to know the name of the lovely lady gracing me with her wet presence, oh shit I didn't mean it like that" he quickly catches his accidental wordplay. We both fall into another laughing fit._

" _Clare Edwards" I smile breathlessly from laughing so much. I can't remember the last time I felt so carefree._

" _well nice to meet you Clare Edwards" he smirks again and it's power on me is just as consuming as the first time causing my heart to flutter._

 _End flashback_

The next day he brought me my purity ring. I couldn't believe he went back and found it. After that we were inseparable we just connected in an effortless way that was easy unlike most things in life it felt nice

We walk through the hallways towards class like we do everyday, today's choice topic isn't anything I want to hear. Eli I telling me all about this new girl he met a few weeks ago, Julia. I shake my head when he isn't looking. I fake as smile as he goes on and on about this unbelievable girl. I've yet to meet. She just moved here and hasn't started degrassi yet but, the way Eli talks about her I'll bet she's beautiful. She seems to be the girl who has it all from what he has to say good looks nice body with the personality to match; sweet but sassy, calm yet free spirited and fun, confident in herself without being cocky. The kind of girl that draws you in without trying or realizing, the girl that is everything I could never be. She certainly has the one thing or should I say person I want; he would never feel the same way. Eli like Julia is the kind of guy that catches your eye and hooks you like a fish reeling you in vigorously, I'm just plain Clare; saint Clare the Christian virgin saving herself, nothing special or not in a good way. Sure I'm smart and driven but that doesn't seem to be what people look for in a significant other not in high school at least.

"Earth to Clare?" Eli says stopping my steps and waving his hands in front of my face.

"huh? what?" I answer looking up at him.

"you zoned out and were about to walk right past our class, something on your mind?" he asks raising an eyebrow questionably.

"oh yeah sorry I have a test I forgot to study for its stressing me out" I lie shocking myself how believable it was I'm a horrible liar over everything except my feelings for my best friend.

"relax, you're basically a genius, you'll get an A worse case A-" he smirks taking my breath away before putting his hand on my lower back and using the other gesturing me to walk into the classroom.

We walk into the room taking our usual seats in the back of the room. Eli sits in front of me while our friend Adam sits beside me. We talking amongst ourselves until the bell rings signaling class is starting. Our English teacher begins telling us about our latest project when she mentions groups of three Eli Adam and I give each other knowing looks as our teacher continues to explain. We are going to be doing a scene from Shakespeare I'm kind of excited it sounds fun. Eli gets up to find out what our theme will be leaving Adam and I to talk.

"Are you ever going to tell him or are you always going to pine over him like a lovesick puppy?" Adam asks.

Adam has known about my feelings for Eli for about a year now I trust him enough to know he'd never tell but if I knew he'd constantly push the subject I probably wouldn't have told him.

"shhh, it's complicated Adam besides he doesn't like me and now he's head over heals for this Julia girl" I sigh in displeasure at the end.

"funny Clare. He likes you perhaps he's just moving on because you won't give him the slightest hint you like him. You're basically pushing him into her arms you guys drive me insane."

As I was about to reply Eli walks back over and his intoxicating smell of pine and mint fill the air, I fight the urge to breath it in like an addict inhaling a cigarette. He gives us a confused look furrowing his eyebrows before shaking his head.

"we get to act out romeo and Juliet, how cool is that?" Eli says with a smile.

Adam and I exchange a look knowing this could be my chance. I could make a move without actually making one, it is a romantic play if we kiss maybe he'll feel a spark and the connection between us will be something he can't deny. Yeah right get a hold of yourself Clare, that's most likely not going to happen but the possibility of kissing Eli like I've dreamed about more times then I care to admit is most definitely a pleasure of its own. We agreed to work on the project after school today and I'm anxious and excited all at once.

§

It's the end of the day and I'm counting down the minutes until it's over. Of course so I can see Eli and maybe even kiss him but also I'm exhausted from the day. The bell rings and I rush out of the classroom not paying much attention to my surroundings, halfway to my locker I run straight into something hard I fall to the ground books flying. I look up and much to my dismay it's no other than my ex boyfriend KC. Our eyes meet and I want to die of embarrassment mixed with discomfort.

"s-sorry I wasn't looking" I stutter.

"well that's pretty obvious?" he says bluntly.

I begin picking my books up when I notice him staring.

"wait, Clare; Is that you? wow you've changed it's been a while you look great" he says leaning down to help me with me books.

"yeah it has" I avoid conversation with him as much as possible.

Can we talk? He asks his hand slightly brushing mine.

"I have somewhere to be" I answer quickly

"come on Clare it'll only take a minute" he smiles looking hopfull. against everything telling me not to I agree to talk.

We walk out to the JT York memorial sitting down, him sitting to close to me for comfort. I don't know why he picked here it's basically a fish bowl everyone staring in but I'm happy he did I'd rather people see us that not.

"Look Clare I'm sorry about what happened in grade nine I was immature and stupid. I'd really like to talk about us and see where things could go" unable to speak I sit there staring at him bewildered like he's a purple flying turtle.

"well what do you think? You remember how we talked about being each others first? It's a little late for me but I could be yours?" he says flirtatiously brushing my hair from my face.

"KC no I don't think so-" I was cut off by his lips being slammed powerfully upon mine the feeling was nothing like it used to be. I try to pull away only the more I do the more pressure he applies I'm not sure if he's doing it on purpose or not but finally my instincts kick in and I slap him hard across the face I'm shocked by my own actions possibly more than he is; I'm against physical violence I can't believe I actually hit him. I pull back noticing a huge red mark in the shape of my hand and his rage filled expression is terrifying.

"Wtf" he yells balling today his hands into intimidating fits I prepare myself for whatever happens completely unsure of where this is headed. KC has never been violent but I've never seen him this mad.

"I suggest you put your hand down, men don't treat girls like what you're doing now you're clearly scaring her but, I guess I shouldn't expect much more from a cheating Neanderthal like yourself go before this gets out of hand because your are not going to disrespect her in front of me" I look over and see Eli standing in the doorway glaring at KC viciously his jaw clenched tightly.

"Protective? Did she stop being so stuck up so now you're getting in her pants or something?" KC asks laughing dryly

"Don't think that's your business if I am but it be better than anything she would get from a needle dick like you" Eli says with a smirk.

They stare each other down for elongated period of time neither daring to break the intense stare finally KC gives a sarcastic grin before muttering "whatever take the slut" walking away.

I notice Eli's whole body tense, his hands ball into white fists a low menacing growl escaping his lips. I quickly run over to him I know if I don't this is going to get way worse than it needs to Eli tends to let his anger get the best of him especially over people he cares about. I manage to convince him to relax by telling him I'm fine and that KC isn't worth it.

"ever the gentleman" I smile taking his hand and walking trying to calm him down the rest of the way.

"did you expect anything less from me I am pretty incredible" he says with an intoxicating smirk.

"so smug" I smile trying not to be to flirtatious "thanks for that you didn't have to defend me really" I thank him sincerely.

"Any time, no one messes with my best friends Edwards especially not that low life jock" He replies letting go of my hand and putting his arm around my neck continuing down the hallway.

I walk with him silently the rest of the way to his car, every time he refers to me as "best friend" it's like a long sharp knife plunging into my chest forcefully without remorse. I recover from my emotional wound once we reach his car and ask Eli what the plan is for our project. After talking we decide the park would be the best place to film; we wait for Adam outside Morty for about five minutes before he shows up and we drive to the park.

We arrive at the park today couldn't be more perfect outside the wind is blowing perfectly through the green trees and the air smells like the freshly blooming flowers. It's not too warm or too cold. We walk over to a picnic table on the way there we decide I'll be Juliet and Eli offers to be Romeo. Momentarily I'm shocked by his eagerness to portray my love interest but after giving myself a quick reality check I'm sure it has nothing to do with me; he simply loves the play, he has Julia.

While discussing how to act out the particular scene we have chosen; it happens to be the famous final scene, in which Romeo and Juliet suffer a tragic death. We talk over our opinions and make a few changes; changes that allow the lovers to share a final kiss before their untimely demise. When Eli suggested it I couldn't stop my insides from spinning. I'm unsure how I'm containing my eagerness and not being completely obvious. This is it I'm actually going to kiss Eli the boy I've been secretly in love with for so long, even if it is just for an assignment the thought of his flawless lips on mine make me shiver fiercely chills forming all over me.

We write a short script and start filming immediately. I lay across the top of the table as Juliet nervously listening to Eli recite the script waiting for my que to "awaken" and share in a final kiss with Romeo. I hear the last word letting me know it's time; it came faster than what I expected it would or maybe my nerves just made it seem that way not that any amount of time would prepare me for this. I force my nervous body to move willing it not to shake like the leaves on the trees, my Insides feel like lava melting me from the inside out I'm sure my skin is hot to the touch, all the while my heart is racing at a panicking rate if it went any faster I would probably have a heart attack the pounding is loud enough to to hear. Somehow to my surprise even with everything I'm feeling I hold composure; I lean up my eyes meeting with Eli's instantly they lock together as I say my lines. Then it happens the moment I've been waiting and hoping to experience for such a long time.

I intently watch as he leans in. He's looking at me in such a lovingly way it makes this moment seem sincere; so much I have to remind myself he's only acting. My eyes close just before I feel his lips lightly brush over mine, I can smell the mint on his breath; our lips resting together he moves his head up and down ever so slowly letting his lightly smooth over mine tingling them and sending an unfamiliar feeling through my entire body. We breath in each others air for a short second then I feel his hand grip my waist his hold firm but gentle the other wraps around my body lightly holding me in a comfortable embrace his hand resting on the small of my back. Finally after what seems like an eternity he presses his lips fully against mine and I get the most electrifying feeling I've ever felt it's too intense to be described as a spark this is a bolt. Everything moves in slow motion. I feel his tongue glide through my lips deepen the kiss more than I had anticipated. As our tongues dance together massaging and exploring each other I feel dizzy from all the feelings flowing through me. I wrap my fingers in his hair to pull him against me harder daring to bite his lips gently heating things up just a bit. The only way to describe the kiss is hot sensual and passion filled.

Remembering we're filming we break apart sharing a look of awe I bite my lip as Eli hurries back into character falling back "dead" I finish my lines and Adam yells cut. After the camera stops rolling I can't help the blush covering my cheeks when I look over at my "best friend" pure shock on his face I think maybe he felt the same thing I did during our kiss, feelings friends don't feel for each other.

"should we do another take? I ask running my hand through my curls glancing at Eli.

"I think we got it" Eli smirks.

I hear Adam say something along the lines you more than got it, followed by Eli throwing a bottle at him and telling him to shut up all the while I can't stop thinking about the kiss I'm in my own world.

Suddenly it starts raining heavily soaking us within seconds. My thoughts go back to the first time I met Eli as the rain pours down on us. We race to morty laughing the whole way; Eli being the gentleman he is gives me his hoodie he had inside before we drive off.

We arrive at my house first and say our goodbyes as usual. I watch as the car pulls away from my front door. When I get inside I go straight to my room tossing my soaking wet body down on my bed and screaming into my pillow kicking my feet like an overexcited child I can't think of any other way to let out all the emotion I'm feeling inside that kiss was beyond amazing I keep replaying it over and over. All that comes to mind every time is wow. I can still taste his lips on mine he tastes like mint mixed with spring water I know it sounds weird but it's true. I Bury my face into Eli hoodie inhaling his scent that I adore so much smiling to myself still memorized by what took place.

All I can see in the back of my mind is green eyes and that smirk, making me want to feel his lips on mine forever.


	2. Chapter 2

My alarm goes off interrupting me from my pleasant slumber. I open my eyes the slightest bit letting them adjust to the light peeking through my curtains. I hear the birds chirping away so I imagine it's another lovely spring day. My thoughts almost instantly go back to the indescribable kiss I shared with Eli yesterday; just thinking of it makes my heart rate pick up and a smile spread across my face. There is something amazing between us there is no way he didn't feel it too. It was to intense for him not to feel something or I hope so.

I get my outfit for today out deciding to get a little more dolled up than I usually would to impress Eli I want to get him attention today. Of course he has already seen me at my best like homecoming, just as he's seen my worst like sitting home with my hair up and pajamas on especially those first few weeks I spent crying on his shoulder over KC. Even though I have romantic feelings for him we are best friends before anything else. Our relationship is comfortable I never have to worry about crying or hiding who I am around him. That's one of the things I love about him but, Sometimes it just feels nice to look good around him I love when I catch him looking at me. I quickly shower so I have more time to do my makeup and hair before going downstairs.

"Clare" my mom calls from the kitchen.

"yeah mom?" I call back walking towards the kitchen.

"your father is going out of town this weekend for work and I'm going to your aunts overnight. Will you be okay home alone? I assume you can be trusted right sweetie?" she asks I can't help but notice my dad is always working lately it's weird but I just shrug it off.

"of course you can I'll be fine mom" I smile grabbing a pop tart for breakfast.

She goes over the long list of rules that I need to follow while she's gone and let's me know she'll be gone when I get home before I leave for school.

§

I arrive at school just in time to go to my locker and get to class without being late. I usually see Eli at my locker and we walk to class together but, I don't see him waiting; maybe he just assumed I was going to be late or something oh well I'll see him in class just a few moments from now. I walk into the classroom right before the bell rings and notice Eli isn't in his seat.

"Hey Adam. Do you know why Eli isn't here?" I ask upset..

"good morning to you too Clare, I talked to him this morning apparently he's home sick. Your lover boy can't handle a little rain" he jokes earning an eye roll from me.

"How sick?" I ask worriedly.

"Well he sounded like bullfrog when he answered the phone" my eyes widen at his reference if that's true he must be really sick to be croaking like bullfrog.

"maybe I should go check on him after class?" I ask pointlessly already knowing I'm going to no matter what Adam says.

"is there any use in me telling you that isn't necessarily" Adam answers lifting a questioning eyebrow.

"nope"I shake my head popping the p in nope with a small smile over his remark he knows me so well.

"so that kiss yesterday was-" he begins but I cut him off.

"magical" I sigh.

"I was gonna say dredging on pornography" I Hit his arms and cut my eyes at him.

"stop Adam. Do you think he felt something?" I ask hopefully.

"Either he felt something or he was trying to eat you" I laugh at Adam's choice of words as the teacher walks in and starts speaking.

I do my best to pay attention during the rest of class but I'm failing miserably all I can think about is Eli not only out kiss either; I hate when Eli doesn't feel well. I know most friends wouldn't go check on their sick friend or think much about it at all however I don't see him as just a friend. Besides Eli and I have always been that way and never thought anything of it. Why should I start now?

§

I ride my bike to Eli's right after English class ends which seemed to take way longer today. Once I reach his house I notice the only car in the driveway is his so Cece and bullfrog must be gone. I walk up his steps and get the spare key they keep under the porch rug; I unlock the door and quietly step inside shutting the door behind me. The whole house is dark and completely silent. Confirming that no one else is home; I tiptoe up the stairs to Eli's room, cracking the door open just enough to see inside. I see him right away laying in his bed In the complete dark cuddled up with the covers pulled just below his head. I go over and sit down carefully next to him so I don't startle him.

"Eli, Eli?" I whisper shaking his arm lightly.

"Clare?" he croaks quietly as his eyes open. I can only imagine how his throat feels just by how terrible it sounds and he doesn't look much better he's pale and sweaty.

"yeah it's me, you sound and look terrible Eli." I tell him sympathetically running my hand through the hair falling across his face not caring one bit about the sweat.

"gee thanks, you really know how to make a guy feel better" he jokes sarcasm dripping from his voice as a smirk appears upon his pale face. Causing me to giggle even when he's sick he manages to make me laugh the way only he can.

"sorry" I push my lip out pouting "I'm gonna get you some soup and medicine you're burning up. Maybe after that we can make you look like you belong among the living again" I say getting up to get his soup.

"forever trying to fixing me what would I do without you Edwards" he smiles genuinely.

"hmmm probably fall to pieces" I reply perching my lips slightly pretending to think before closing the door and walking out. If only he knew it's me that would fall to pieces without him. I swear Eli can read nearly every emotion I have except my feelings for him. Those he just seems clueless about.

After making his soup I take that upstairs along with some medicine. I notice him once again sleeping peacefully in his bed bringing a small grin on my lips before I walk through the door. I can't get over how distracted I can get by the simplest things he does like just watching him sleep he doesn't have to do anything to get my attention. I sound like a stalker great Clare. I take the soup and medicine over to his nightstand and notice his phone has a new message from Julia; I have the intense urge to read it. I'm shocked by this myself; I've never invaded his privacy before ever it's just not right and I know I shouldn't now but after our kiss yesterday I'm curious over what's going on with the ever mysterious Julia he always talks about. Against all my better judgement I pick up his phone and read only the last two messages.

 **Eli- Jules Clare is my best friend it was for school that's all. It was nothing. I told you so you would know. You're over reacting.**

 **Julia- So kissing her meant nothing? You didn't feel anything and neither did she promise?:)**

I want to cry as my eyes scan his words. My heart feels like it snapped, no wait it's worse than that it feels as though it shattered like glass. So he didn't feel anything when we kissed, is he just a really good kisser or maybe I felt what I wanted to. I suppose I should have expected this; I know he's out of my league and I'm certainly not his type. Eli is free spirited he loves adventure and I'm just a sheltered girl who never breaks the rules. I guess I just thought feelings that intense couldn't be one sided. I place his phone back down where it was and compose myself. As I go to sit at Eli's desk I hear him say something.

"why don't you come lay with me? You're going to get uncomfortable there you know it's not like I'm gonna bite you" he says gesturing for me to come over.

"What about your food?" I ask changing the subject.

"it can wait I like cold soup anyway" he insists giving me puppy dog eyes turning me to mush.

Even after reading his message to Julia the want to give in and lay in bed with Eli is more powerful than the hurt I'm feeling so I accept his offer. It's not the first time we've shared a bed of course it's always been platonic nothing at all romantic but I love being close to him so every time is fulfilling

"fine but at least take the medicine" I baraggan which he accepts.

I crawl in his bed facing the opposite wall; as much as I want to cuddle up to him I'm not sure if I should. I lay silently for a brief moment thinking about the kiss and Julia and how Eli basically admitted he felt nothing between us. The sadness sinks in more and more it's hard to accept the person you love doesn't love you back. Soon I feel Eli move closer wrapping his arms around me from behind snuggling up to me like many times before usually it's comforting and while the warmth of his body and his scent is calming as always; right now it's bitter sweet.

"mmm vanilla. You smell nice Clare" Eli says softly his breath tickling my shoulder causing me to giggle.

"thanks Eli you're so charming" I say sarcastically.

"of course" he rasps after that the room became silent other than the sound of our breathing filling the air. When Eli begins lightly snoring I know he's fallen back to sleep. It doesn't take long for his gentle breaths to pull me into a comfortable sleep as well.

§

It's about nine and I'm in my living room watching a scary movie alone probably a terrible idea considering I get easily scared. I'm already terrified but can't stop watching. I got home from Eli's a while ago; he seemed to be feeling back to himself when I left. Julia was coming over so I decided to leave to spare myself the heartache of seeing them together and we'll her period. I'm so jealous of her and I've never even met her I don't even want to know how perfect she really is. I've accepted that I'll just secretly love Eli while he falls for someone else leaving me lonely.

After I finished the movie I came to my room that was hours ago it's twelve in the morning and now and I can't stop myself from the heart racing feeling I have. It was definitely not a good to watch that movie. When I hear a bang outside my window I fly off my bed hitting the floor hard only to jump right back up when I hear my phone start ringing. I quickly pick it up after reading Eli's name on the caller ID. He tells me he's outside and that he had thrown a rock at my window to get my attention. I roll my eyes and scoff to myself knowing he's the one who scared me so bad he could have called first. I go downstairs and let him in.

"what are you doing here?" I ask opening the door.

"hi Eli how are you? Good thanks for asking" he answers sarcastically.

"Hi Eli. Now why are you here so late?" I ask once again raising an eyebrow.

"I just have a lot on my mind" he replies seriously alarming me a bit.

I invite him in and we go into the living room. He tells me he did something and he needs to talk about it or he'll explode only causing me to be more concerned but I was not prepared for what he said next.

"I had sex with Julia tonight. I'm not really sure how I feel about it I really like her but was it too much too fast? What if I was terrible." he says quickly looking down at his hands anxiety evident. His confession makes my heart stop. "Clare? Clare did you hear me?" he says waving his hands in front of my face.

"ye-yeah sorry just caught me a little off guard with that. I never thought having sex would be a big deal to you no offense" I say cautiously not sure how he'll take the remark.

Eli only laughed lightly before responding "I wouldn't say it's a big deal it's just heavier than I thought it would be is all. It makes me question how i feel about Julia and worry about how it was for her no one wants to be the guy who's terrible in bed Clare." he jokes

"Were you her first or-" I trail off.

"no I wasn't. She's not a whore well I don't think so anyway damn I hope not" he says scratching his head.

"Don't you think that's something you should know before you. Well you know" I say off.

"have sex? You can say sex Clare it won't taint you" he jokes "yeah probably but it's done now so it doesn't really matter does it? I'm just over thinking I just don't want this to cause drama I really like Julia."

"well I'm sure everything will work out Eli" I fake smile the best I can not knowing what else to say when I'm dying inside. It might not be a big deal to him but it's a big deal to me. Thinking about him and her being that intimate together. She was his first he'll always remember that.

"thanks Clare, you really are the best friend I could have don't tell Adam I said that though I'll deny it" he says pulling me into a hug. "so what do you want to do? I can't help but notice you're here all by yourself"

"Well I don't wanna go out. I don't want to be alone either or have a bunch of people over" I shrug.

"let's have a party" he says mischievously. I can tell he has something in mind.

"I just said I don't want to have a bunch of people over Eli? Did you hit your head?" I ask quirking an eyebrow and tilting my head in confusion.

"oh Clare it only takes two to have a little party. Stay right there" he smirks. Not even a moment later he had the radio blaring the song ocean avenue louder than what I would even think or do during the day he's gonna get the cops called is all I can think. He moves the furniture to the side dims the lights before walking over to me.

"what are you doing?" I yell over the blaring music.

"well you wanna be a homebody so I'm bringing the good time to you, thank me later" he says grabbing my hand and pulling me into the empty center of the living room.

When Eli starts dancing around my living room without a care in the world I can't help but join him. His carefree attitude is contagious even for someone like me. When the song baby by Justin Bieber starts to play we both look at each other and bust out laughing we sing along through our laughter while still dancing. Although we aren't fans who doesn't know that song? He spins me around the room eventually losing balance bumping into each other falling to the floor laughing as the song ends.

"Ising like an angel right Clare? Bet you're shocked" Eli says once we catch our breath.

"if by angel, you mean dying walrus I didn't expect anything less" I tease.

"ouch. That hit me where it hurts." he rebuttals holding his chest faking hurt.

"I'm sure mister sensitive now huh" I reply poking his chest

"wanna have a sleepover?" he asks randomly arching his eyebrows.

I accept and we make a blanket fort on my living room floor we have a pillow fight causing us to have to rebuild our fort. After that we spend the next hour joking and laughing about the most ridiculous things; it reminds me of being younger. I used to do this with my older sister Darcy when we were little kids. I have to admit I love how Eli makes me so carefree. I've never been the girl to let loose and go with the flow, or do things that would be considered immature. I analyze everything but, with him it's like I get lost in him and nothing else matters he changes everything including how I look at the world In a way no one else can. I don't know what I'd do without him in my life.

"Clare what's that!" Eli says seriously in a concerned voice drawing me out of my thoughts.

"what was what?" I ask looking around paranoid.

"that noise did you hear it?"

"n-n-no" I stutter.

"it came from over there" he says pointing to the left. I peak over and just as I do I feel Eli pounce on me tickling me relentlessly.

"stop stop it, or else" I yell through laughter rolling and kicking trying to get him off but he doesn't stop.

"or else? what are you gonna do? Hmm why don't you make me stop" he jokes.

"ouch!" I whine mocking pain. The moment he let's go i jump on top of him. "I win hahaha!" I say smugly. My face inches from his, his hands resting on my waist.

He moves one hand and pushes my hair from my face and we pause getting lost in each other's eyes for an elongated moment before I realize what's going on. "um I'm gonna get a drink" I say getting up breaking our contact.

"su-sure" he stutters. Did I make him do that?

When I back Eli is already falling asleep so I take my place next to him. Up until now I had forgot what he told me about him and Julia. As much as I hate to admit it I need to accept it he obviously really cares for her and I don't want to mess our friendship up. I'd rather have Eli as my friend than nothing.

§

The rest of the weekend went by faster than I would have liked. Eli Adam and I hung out as usual. Today isn't as nice as it has been recently. It's dark and gloomy out the clouds are covering the sun making it chilly and I'm certain it's going to start pouring rain; hopefully it waits until I get to degrassi.

I walk my usual path and of course as soon as I reach the parking lot it starts pouring drenching me in seconds I can feel my shoes becoming soggy. I walk inside slipping on the wet floor landing on my butt. I know today is not going to be my day. A friendly hand reaches out to help me up I notice Adam's face smiling down at me. I graciously accept his hand.

"today isn't your day huh? He asks sympathy in his voice.

"how did you know" I reply my voice flat.

"well you were soaking wet on the floor and today's the day Eli's plaything starts here"

I completely forgot she was starting degrassi today just when I thought it couldn't get worse. Based on Adams words I'm assuming that he knows her and Eli had sex this weekend. I bet he told him all the details I don't want to know. The details that would probably destroy me.

"Hey Clare, Adam" I hear Eli's voice appear.

I look up and see him walking towards us with a dark long haired girl. She has deep brown eyes they hold a certain sex appeal nothing like my innocent doe eyes. Her slender body walks swaying seductively her dark clothing accentuating her beautiful pale skin. She's stunning to say the least.

"this is Julia, Julia this is Adam and Clare" Eli introduces us slinging his arm around the dark beauty he calls his.

"hey" Adam and I say in unison. I look at them and decide I need to get out of here for now it's too much especially know what they did. "I have to do something before class I'll catch up with you guys later nice to meet you Julia." I say with a fake smile present as usual before walking off. The taste of her name on my tongue is revolting.

Once I'm out of sight I speed walk trying to force back tears but of course with the day I'm having i run smack into a hard body. I almost fall but arms catch me holding me up. I look up so far I nearly break my neck finally I'm met with familiar honey brown eyes.

"Jake?" I say in shock looking at my grown up childhood friend.

"Clare. Wow, it's been so long how are you?" he asks hugging me.

"I've been better but I'm good over all. What about you? You're so tall" I say stunned by not only his height but by how attractive he turned out.

"I'm good. Just moved here. Wanna walk to class together I could use some help" he smiles.

I accept and we spend the rest of the time before class catching up like old friends do. We reconnect wonderfully not as good as me and Eli but it's comfortable. Maybe I can be happy with someone besides Eli. He'll always be my best friend but he's with Julia. I should probably back off for both our benefits.


	3. Chapter 3

My day has been looking up after running into jake unexpectedly and showing him around he really lifted my mood with his light sense of humor and easy going nature we reminisced a bit and joked over old memories. Out Our focus was certainly not on the task of showing him his way around. I was let down when I found out that we have none of the same classes but we do have the same lunch period so I'm looking forward to that. Jake just might be the perfect distraction from my feelings for Eli.

Okay I'll admit it maybe it's wrong to look at Jake as a way to get over feelings for Eli but that's not all that the only reason I'm thinking about us being More than friends getting over Eli is just a bonus. Jake and i were really close when we were younger and he's always been such a nice guy, caring, considerate, fun, smart I could go on about his personality and he's become very attractive it's easy to develop a crush on a guy like him and unlike Eli he's single and there is a possibility that he could return feelings if any surface once we spend time together. If I'm being honest Jake was my first ever school girl crush after I stopped thinking boys were gross that is so it would be pretty cool to end up dating him all these years later.

Thoughts of Jake aside it's the time of day I've been dreading all day English with Eli. I usually look forward to this class the most because I love English and also because I get to spend time with Eli and Adam but seeing Eli after our encounter this morning is not something I'm looking forward to. I'm worried he may have noticed my hasty and semi-awkward exit; The way I hurried to get away from them was like I thought they had an infection disease the waa i acted was not like me at all especially when meeting someone new that is important in someone i care abouts life unless I'm uncomfortable with the situation; Eli knows that I'll honestly be shocked if he didn't notice.

"clare!" Eli's voice yells from down the hall. Great the moment I've been dreading might as well get it over with.

"Hey Eli." I say casually getting books Out of my locker as he runs over to me.

"what was with you this morning?" He asks catching his breath and leaning against my locker with one arm.

"what are you talking about?" I forge confusion trying to playing it cool like I don't know exactly what he's talking about.

"come one clare i know you too well for you to play naive and get away with it, the way you acted this morning people probably thought we were chasing you with pitchforks about to burn you at the stake" Eli answered sarcastically as usual while raising his eyebrow at me questionably like he always does when he wants me to elaborate.

"I really had somewhere to go Eli, you're just speculating things for some reason" i say acting nonchalant.

"where then?" he asks challenging me.

I feel myself getting flustered, think Clare think crap why am I such a terrible liar I've done so good so far. Just say the first thing that comes to mind if you take to long he'll know.

"I had to show Jake around" I say briskly.

"Jake?" He asks in confusion.

"yes, Jake he's an old friend he just started here today. He's having lunch with us by the way" I smile feeling relieved that he seems to believe my story. I mean it is half true.

"Okay" he says slowly looking at me oddly for a moment before continuing "well then let's get to class so we don't end up spending lunch with instead" He teased before putting his arm around my shoulder, tilting his head the direction of our classroom gesturing for me to start walking.

We talk about the books we are currently reading on the way to class, he picked one out for me to read and i picked one for him I'm pleasantly surprised by his selection then right as we were about to walk in I heard a voice chime in.

"Hey my love" Julia Cooed just before kissing Eli. "oh hey Clare almost didn't see you there, it's Clare right?" she said with a smile after removing her lips off my- I mean Eli. Who is she kidding anyway she knows my name.

"yupp that's me" I say with the fakest Cheshire cat smile.

"well what were you and my amazingly handsome boyfriend up to?" she asked wrapping her arms around Eli's neck and kissing his cheek. Gross.

Oh I know what she's doing she's flaunting him in my face, maybe she caught onto my little episode this morning or maybe she's still mad over mine and Eli's "kiss". Usually I'd play nice but she's not gonna come in here and push me out.

"well Julia I agree my best friend is pretty amazing and not to bad to look at but do we really need to blow his head up anymore than it is I'm afraid it may explode. If you must know we were on our way to english we're English partners" I add knowing she already knows that.

I think Eli actually believes my comment was friendly but the way Julia and I are looking at each other glaring says she knows better. We are silently fighting over what we feel is ours; Eli.

"ouch clare, my head isn't big i can't help the ladies love me" Eli breaks the silence with a sarcastic remark

"Yup not big at all, I'll see you in class. Bye julia" I say before walking off into class.

I cannot stand that girl already I'm not sure if it's just that I'm jealous that she has the person i want more than anything or if it's her resting bitch face how can a face be so beautiful and bitchy at the same time. I need to control myself though I don't want to ruin my friendship with Eli because I don't like her and the way i just acted isn't going get passed Eli forever if I keep it up. I should give her a chance as much as I hate to admit it even if her flaunting Eli in my face wasn't the best way to try and be friends. I'll talk to her later maybe we can talk it out. I just need to vent before that and I know just who's gonna have to hear it.

"Adam" I say letting the unhappiness come through in my voice as I take my seat beside him.

"hello to you to Clare, should I ask what's wrong or do I already know?" Adam asks with his usual casual humour.

"I hate this adam, how can I look at them everyday, it's one thing if he doesn't want me but to have to watch him with another girl is cruel" I say letting my head rest on the desk feeling completely defeated after the encounter we had in the hallway my day has gone back down hill.

"well maybe it's time to forget Eli, He's one of my best friends but so are you and I'm tired of watching you hurt, is there anyone else you could spend time with maybe a guy?"

Adam's question suddenly made me remember Jake. I had completely forgot about him during my moment with Julia in the hallway.

"There's Jake" i say biting my lip "he's an old friend he just transferred here. He's so sweet and cute-" I say beginning to gush over Jake when I was interrupted.

"who's sweet and cute? Are you fantasizing over me again Edwards?" Eli asks with a smirk playing on his lips.

"Eli's ego arriving right on time I wonder how it fit in the door. No dude she's talking about Jake" Adam says mimicking my voice and batting his eyes when he says Jake's name.

"Clare interested in someone? I'm shocked I know you're abstinent but I honestly thought after the whole Kc thing you had sworn off relationships and planned on becoming a nun and hey wait I thought you just told me Jake was just a friend?"

"No one said I was interested in Jake Eli we are just friends and I'm not becoming a nun that was rude" I reply smacking his arm.

I spent the rest of class working quietly while Eli and Adam talked about comics. I on the other hand couldn't get my thoughts off of everything; Julia, Jake, Eli it's all so exhausting curse teenage hormones. Finally the bell rang and it's time for lunch.

I agreed to meet Jake outside the cafe so he didn't have to wounded around like a lost puppy looking for us so I'm sitting here waiting for him. Eli and Adam already went in to get a seat. While I'm sitting minding my own business someone other than who I'm waiting for approaches me.

"Hey Clare, can I talk to you? Julia says in a friendly tone.

"yeah sure. I actually wanted to talk to you too. I'm sorry about earlier I just have a lot on my mind I didn't mean to come off so rude" I tell her trying with everything I have to be sincere.

"That's what i wanted to talk to you about too actually. I'm sorry too for acting so possessive and bitchy I just know you and Eli are close it intimidates me that you might take him. I really like him i don't want to lose him. I guess I let my insecurity get in the way."

"I know that feeling. I promise i would never do that" I assure her remembering how i felt when Jenna came between kc and I making me regret how I had acted during our Romeo and Juliet project but I'll never do that again.

Her apology seemed like she means it, she might not be that bad maybe we can be okay or dare I say friends?. I can't hate her because I'm jealous. Being friends would make things easier.

"let's start over?" I offer

"I'd love that, I'm gonna go find that boyfriend of mine" she smiles before going to find Eli. As hard as it's going to be to accept her and Eli I'm relieved there won't be drama.

"Finally a familiar face" Jake calls out.

"Finally you're here. I've been waiting for a century"

"well I'm sorry, I got lost guess my tour this morning didn't do much good but at least I got to spend time with a beautiful girl" jake says as he puts his arm around my shoulder causing me to blush.

After getting our food we go over to the table where Eli, Adam and Julia are sitting.

"Hey guys this is Jake. Jake this is Eli, Adam and Julia." I introduce them. They all say a friendly hello and Jake and I take our seats.

All five of us spend the lunch period talking and getting to know each other and much to my surprise everyone is getting along even Julia and I. I'm glad we made up after i let my jealousy get the best of me this morning because I could see us becoming friends we even exchanged phone numbers as long as she makes Eli happy I'll do my best to be happy for them.

I couldn't help but notice Jake's not so subtle flirting, I have to admit it makes me feel good and it's really keeping me from being upset over Julia and Eli. Who knows maybe we'll end up double dating.

"So guys, do you wanna come to my place Friday for a movie night? Eli and Clare always come" Adam asks.

Julia and Jake accept and we give them the details before the bell rings and we all go our separate ways.

 **Friday at Adams:**

The past week flew by the five of us have had lunch together everyday and even hung out a couple of times after school. Julia and I click so much better then I imagine and I feel terrible for the way I behaved over Eli before I knew her I feel even more terrible that I still have unresolved feelings for her boyfriend.

"So Clare ready to be terrified" Adam asks walking over to the couch with a bowl of popcorn.

"I wonder how long it will take her to hide her face this time." Eli adds walking in behind him With drinks.

This is our movie night ritual; Eli and Adam pick the scariest movies they can find purposely knowing I scare easily. They don't feel accomplished until i have to turn every light on in the house and have one of them walk me to the bathroom. We've been doing this ever since we became friends tonight will be no different I'm sure besides the fact that Jake and Julia are here, but that won't change much. Right?

I roll my eyes as Adam and Eli continue with their friendly teasing when I suddenly feel arms around me from behind causing me to jump luckily those two didn't notice.

"don't worry I'll protect you, just like when we were kids" Jake whispers in my ear earning a flirtatious giggle from me which in turn causes everyone's attention to be drawn to us. Oh lovely.

"woah PDA" Eli says his voice sounding oddly serious.

"oh be quiet Eli. I'm sure you'll be attacking Julia as soon as she gets here" Adam says trying to take the attention off Jake and I but but all that follows is silence.

Suddenly the room feels a little tense I'm not sure why but the longer the silence fills the room the more awkward it gets but thankfully Julia walks in.

"Did I miss something are you guys having a competition or something?" Julia asks I suppose confused as to what she walked into.

"nope" Eli says walking over to her only to prove Adam right by instantly shoving his tongue so far down her throat I thought he was going to choke her.

After getting Eli and Julia apart which took way too long the sexual tension between those two is disturbing, we started our movie marathon and sure enough we're not even through the first one and I'm already scared senseless. I'm currently hugging my knees on the couch beside Jake with just my eyes peaking leaking from behind them.

"Hey you okay?" Jake whispers to me.

"Yeah I just get scared easily I'll be fine thanks for asking" I reply.

Just as I turn to continue watching the movie I feel Jake wrap his arm around me and pull me into his side.

"figured this might help" Jake says with a smile before turning back to the movie.

Good thing it's dark, I'm sure I'm as red as a tomato. I decide to be brave so i give into temptation and cuddle closer into his chest and I can't help but notice how nice he smells. I look over and see Eli and Julia going at it like they want to eat each others faces off usually this would kill me inside but tonight It's not I have a guy next to me any girl would be lucky to have. He may not be the guy I thought i wanted but I'm starting to think he may be better for me.

After watching a few movies we sat around and talked for a while Jake and I stayed cuddled together the whole time while Julia and Eli continued to try and swallow the other.

"Who wants to play a game?" Adam asks probably tired of being a fifth wheel.

"Sure" everyone answers.

We decided to be clique and play truth or dare the game as been hilarious so far we had Jake prank call the cereal company demanding to talk to Tony the trigger and we had Eli drink chocolate milk mixed with hot sauce. EW.

"okay Clare truth or dare" Julia asks me.

"dare" I answer trying to sound brave although I'm nervous girls are notorious for daring other girls to do less than appropriate things and Julia seems like one of those girls.

"I dare you to" she stops for minute with a devilish smile before continuing "kiss me"

I look around at everyone and see the guys staring at me waiting to see if i'll do it they know me well enough to know this is way out of my comfort zone but I can't keep living in a box.

"well?" Julia asks quirking her eyebrow. In that moment I decided.

I bit my lip before walking over to where Julia and Eli were sitting I leaned over Eli and crashed my lips to Julia's. It wasn't a peck we were flow on making out over Eli with Adam and Jake watching. I've never kissed a girl before it was different but it wasn't weird like I was expecting.

When we broke the kiss we noticed the guys staring at us in complete lust I slowly got up and went and sat next to Jake.

"Now that I didn't see coming Eli" says sounding shocked causing everyone to burst into laughter before we continued with our game.

We played for another hour before Julia left that was a while ago and I'm exhausted and ready to go home myself.

"so who wants to be my hero and drive me home?" I ask giving Eli a playful smile knowing he always gets stuck driving me.

"so by that you mean Eli drive me home now Because you're the best friend ever even though I inconvenience you? Eli answered sarcastically.

"haha funny" I say sticking my tongue out at him playfully.

"I can take you clare" Jake cuts in.

"really you wouldn't mind?" I ask happy he made the offer.

"not at all" Jake answered sweetly.

"Are you sure Clare? You don't actually inconvenience me? Eli cut back in giving me a odd look. Weird.

"I know Eli how could you be inconvenienced by spending time with your awesome best friend but I'm gonna let Jake take me home tonight. I'll see you guys tomorrow"

As we walk outside Jake grabs my hand and holds it on the way to his car. He even opened the door for me the only other person who does that is Eli. Once we were both in Jake started driving. The conversation on the way was flirty he kept mentioning how "hot" Julia and me kissing was. I swear from all the blushing my face is going to be permanently red. When we pull up in front of my house Jake looks over at me and I can't help but notice how his expression and body language changed. Nervous? He looks nervous. Why is he nervous all of a sudden?

"Clare I know we just recently started spending time together again but I'm really starting to like you"

I feel my heart start to beat faster hearing him say that. He likes Me! I like him too or I think I do but I'm just starting to get over Eli is it fair to Jake to drag him into something while I'm not completely over someone else?

"I like you too Jake but," I notice him smile but his smile fell when he heard me say but "I'm just getting over feelings for someone else"

"Do you want to be over this person?" Jake asks looking me dead in the eyes.

"more than you could imagine" I say hesitantly.

Right as I finish i feel Jake's lips against mine, they feel smooth and soft. The kiss is gentle and sweet, yet it keeps me wanting more it's nothing like the kiss I shared with Eli but it's definitely not bad by any means. When the kiss is over we stare at each other catching our breath and taking it in for a few moments.

"so did that help at all? Jake asks sounding devious.

"aren't you sly" I say realising his plan. Just then my phone started going off I look down and see its Eli.

"well?" Jake questions raising an eyebrow waiting for my answer.

I look at Eli's name on my phone thinking about him and Jake for a short moment before answering.

"yes" I say sure of my answer before hitting the ignore button on my phone and placing it in my pocket.

"so how about we go on a date tomorrow? Jake asks

I accept instantly and Jake pulls me in for another kiss this one slightly more heated than the last. After saying bye to Jake I walk straight up to my room and lay down on my bed exhaling heavily as I think about today's events. Just then my phone goes off; it's Eli calling again usually i'd answer without hesitation no matter but I decide to ignore it this time and send him a text.

 **Clare- I made it home but I'm tired i'll talk to you tomorrow.**

A few seconds later I receive a text back from Eli.

 **Eli- okay just making sure you're okay you know I can be protective. Goodnight Clare.**

I decide not to text back like I usually would. I'm interested in Jake now it's time to put my feelings for Eli in the past and really just be best friends our whole friendship has been me pining over him and him never seeing me that way. Well not anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

_**authors note: sorry for the delay in posting I hope you're enjoying this story so far! This chapter is short and I haven't had time to edit so I'm sorry for any mistakes. Anyway enjoy chapter 4! :)**_

 **Four months later:**

It's been four months since Jake and I went on our first date, four months since we became official and four months since my life became better than I thought it would be well until a few days ago.

Jake and my relationship has been going strong i haven't had a romantic thought about Eli in three months and I couldn't be happier about that it was supposed to make our friendship stronger and prevent me from losing him altogether but I think I might lose him anyway and I don't even know why.

His relationship with Julia seem to be well toxic if they aren't having sex they are fighting that's pretty much all they do ever do anymore. They were happy at first and then things slowly deteriorated but when she had an abortion behind his back is when things really fell apart for them. I couldn't believe she did that it was pretty low Eli didn't even know until he found the papers in her room. He was so pissed off I've never seen him act so hostile I was even scared for Julia but somehow they are still together.

Eli however has been odd lately he just doesn't seem himself and I feel like our friendship is slowly falling apart. We don't talk like we used to or spend time together really other than school i miss him so much it's insane, I think I'm gonna talk to him tonight after I leave the party.

The party is at Jake's in about an hour hopefully I can come up with a reason to leave he gets kind of irritated with me easily sometimes and he can be somewhat controlling I suppose but it's nothing bad just a little much sometimes.

I begin getting ready when halfway through curling my hair I hear my phone Buzzing. Curious as to who it is calling I place my curling iron down and walk over to my bed where my phone is lying, when I read the name on the screen to say I'm surprised would be an understatement.

"Hey Julia, everything okay?" I answer skeptically. Julia and I are friends now but after the abortion situation we haven't been very close we never call or text.

"Hey Clare. Have you talked to Eli? He isn't answering my calls or text since our fight in the hall today" she asks worriedly. I feel for her.

Their fight today was one of the worst, I'm not sure what started it but I remembering hearing Eli yell at Julia that she was a lying baby killer true or not that has to hurt. I think she did what she thought was best for her but just went the wrong way about it. Eli calling her that was a low blow.

"No I haven't I'm sorry Julia. I have to go though bye." I apologize before hanging up i would have talked to her but I don't want to be late to Jake's party he might get upset with me.

After getting dressed in a knee length flowy black dress paired with my jean jacket and black flats I go straight to Jake's house arriving right on time.

"Hey baby" He greets me with a kiss I'm taken back a little when I smell alcohol already on his breath

"You smell Jake" I state flatly.

"lighten up, here." He says handing me a beer I think for a moment but decide one beer won't hurt so i take it and start to sip.

"It taste awful Jake"

"But it'll make you feel wonderful" He laughs before taking my hand and walking me to the living room where the party is mostly happening.

After a few beers i have to admit I'm feeling breezy and the taste doesn't even bother me now. Jake and I have been dancing for the past half hour and admittedly it's gotten a bit heated. One minute we're dancing while he's placing sloppy kisses on my neck and the next thing I know he's carried me up to his room and I'm being tossed on his bed.

I don't think much of it Jake and I have made out in his bed before but when I feel him hike my dress up exposing more of my body than I'm comfortable with him seeing I start to feel a bit uneasy however I let it slide that is until I feel his hand start lightly rubbing my personal area.

"Jake stop!" I pant breathlessly my hearts racing.

"Come on clare, you love me right?" He says continuing his actions.

"Yes but, I'm not ready Jake" I say firmly as I push him off of me.

"Whatever you're so uptight Clare just leave and call me when you get that stick out of your ass." He shouts angrily before storming out.

In a flash I'm up off the bed I hurry up and pull my dress down not even considering the rest of my appearance before bolting out of Jake's house as fast as my legs will take me with tears streaming down my face i knock on the door of the only place I want to be right now. In what felt like hours but was merely a few seconds the door swings open.

"Eli" I whisper quietly my lip trembling.

"Clare, what's wrong?" Eli asks concerned pulling me into his house careful not to hurt me.

"Ja-Jake he" I begin but can't finish because my voice gives out.

"What did he do? Did he hurt you? I'll kill him" Eli growls frightening me a bit.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you I'd never hurt you Clare you know that" He says softly pulling me into his chest.

Instead of questioning me anymore Eli takes me up to his room and we lay on his bed, he's running his hands through my hair while I rest my head on his chest. After what could have been hours Eli speaks up.

"So you smell like beer" He says giving me a questioning look with one eyebrow raised.

"Yeah I do" I giggle.

"So do you wanna tell me what happened?"

"I suppose" I sigh. He gives me a look telling me to continue so I take a deep breath and tell him everything that happened tonight.

"What a dick." Eli says after listening to what happened.

"Tell me about it. I didn't realize sex was mandatory to love someone" I joke.

"If that was the case we should have done that a long time ago" Eli laughs.

"That would be so weird wouldn't?" I ask rhetorically.

"You never know" He wiggled his eyebrows flirtatiously.

"Wanna find out" I joke moving my lips inches away from his waiting for a response however I'm completely flabbergasted by the response he gives me.

He presses his lips against mine and slowly kisses kissed me I know it's wrong I'm still dating Jake and he's dating Julia but I kiss him back anyway. The kids feels just as memorizing as the last one. Eli moved swiftly so now he's hovering over me, he breaks the kiss and begins kissing my next expertly all I can do is bite my lip trying to hold back moans threatening to escape my lips.

I feel his hand move under my dress touching me the same way Jake had just hours before only with Eli it feels right my heart rate picks up in a good way and i feel tingles surge through my body. Things got heated so fast before I realize what's happening we're both completely naked with Eli still on top of me.

"Do you want to do this Clare? We can stop" He says sweetly before light kissing me.

I attempt to speak but words won't come out so i nod my head telling him I do what this. I know I should care that this is wrong but I don't think I can bring myself to stop now. I want this I want Eli; and that is exactly what I got.

Laying in Eli's bed cuddled to his bare chest I can't believe we just had sex. I admit I've imagined losing my virginity to him but never thought it would happen. It wasn't what I expected it was more uncomfortable than pleasurable but he did his best to be gentle and considerate. In the back of my mind however knowing I cheated on Jake is taunting me.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Authors note: sorry this chapter is also shorter than what I would like but I wrote it in an hour and couldn't wait to post it also seemed like a good place to end it of it would have gotten extremely long also sorry for mistakes it was done on my phone and my phone likes to change words on me I'll fix it when I have a chance; anyway I'm done rambling. Hope you guys like It!_**

It's been Two days since I slept with Eli, as much as I wish i could blame it on the alcohol I can't. Sure I was a little tipsy and maybe my judgment was a little impaired but I was in a coherent enough mind set that I stopped Jake; I stopped jake but not Eli. Jake's my boyfriend shouldn't it have been the opposite way around? Do I still have feelings for Eli? That kiss was wow and the… the sex it was magical excuse me for my lame choice of words but I don't know how else to put it into words.

I get up walking across the hall to the bathroom, turning the shower on hot as can Stand before removing my clothes and step in feeling the water flow down my body relaxing me. I've done this for at least an hour every night since the party; it's the only thing that can help ease the tension I'm holding over the events that took place. Once the water starts to run cold I slowly get out of the shower and go over to the mirror wiping it free of steam.

Looking at myself I don't look any different so why do i feel so different? it's as if every time I look in this mirror I expect to some sign or evidence of what happened but there is none Eli was even cautious enough not leave a single mark on me well if he tried not to I could have just lucked out neither of us seemed to be thinking clearly much less thinking ahead. Thinking ahead or clearly? Shit! My eyes go wide as I come to a sudden realization.

I have no Idea if we used protection. I know I'm not on the pill but other then that those details are a complete blur. I could call and ask Eli that be simple; only I haven't talk to him or Jake since that night. They've both tried calling and texting but, I just can't deal with it right now I'm still processing. This new revelation is certainly the icing on the cake. I mentally smack myself for being even more stupid than previously thought I was.

Sighing in frustration i decide there is only one appropriate action to take. Get dressed go to the drug store and get the morning after pill right now, I Remember in health class they said they are effective for 72 hours but the sooner the better so I need to hurry I don't want to be the next girl getting an abortion behind Eli's back; just thinking of that sends chills down my spine I feel for her more than I had prior maybe if I knew this feeling then I would have thought harder about sleeping with her boyfriend.

I toss on a pair of sweatpants with a matching shirt and throw my hair up in a messy ponytail on top my head as I race out of my room I can smell the scent of lavender from my shower in the breeze. I get in my car not even bother to turn the radio on I'm so determined. Speeding down the road I nearly crashed just past Eli's house that would have been a gloriously terrible situation to add to this already awful crisis.

Once I'm at the store I feel my phone Buzzing I looked at it and see it's Eli calling I got ignore only for it go off not even a second later only this time it's Jake. I really just wish they would both leave me alone right now. I rush into the store and zip down the aisles until i arrive at my destination I quickly scoop up the pill the says "Plan B" and turn on my heals going back to the counter but, when I look up i feel the life drain from me.

"He-hey Eli" I stutter looking into the intense gaze his green eyes are shooting at me.

"Hello Clare, so this is what I have to do to get you to stop ignoring Me? See your car nearly run into a tress by my house and follow You? You could have been killed why the hell did you need to get to the drugstore so bad anyway? Eli ranted before finally Darting his eyes down to the box in my hand. I watch as he reads the bold print realization coming upon his expression.

"Clearly you see." I stated dryly.

"Well good to know the possibility of having a baby with me is so fucking bad you'd but your life at risk" he said bluntly his voice sounding angrier than before.

"It's not like that Eli" I say trying to calm him I can see how it might have looked that way but, that's not the case.

"Oh really? I find that a but bit hard to believe first Julia now you?" He spat bitterly.

Oh that's what this is about he's still upset over what Julia did I'm not surprised I don't think he wanted or wants a baby I just also don't think he wanted to be left out. I can understand that with her but he doesn't need to lash out on me I mean I'm not even pregnant and we'd never know if I was going to be the situation is so different.

"Eli-" I say soothingly while reaching out and touching his arm only to have to pushed away like I was disgusting.

"Don't. I'm sick of girls like you, word of advice don't sleep with guys you don't trust or you can't handle the consequences with if something goes wrong. Fuck you didn't even trust me enough to come to me" I've never heard Eli get this mad at me before I can feel my eyes water as I look up to him seeing the hurt anger and betrayal in his eyes.

"I'm sorry" I choke out as tears roll down my face I notice his eyes soften so I'm hopeful he'll forgive me for hiding it and ignoring him.

"I don't care Clare, Julia not coming to me that hurt a little but you not trusting me enough to come to me? That feels like a stab. This friendship is over" He turned to walk away but stopped mid store and turned on his heels "Oh and just so you're aware I used a condom I wouldn't be that careless especially with you I care about you too much for that" His words came out cold then he turned around and left leaving me standing there an utter mess. I guess when they whoever they are say sex complicates and ruins friendships was accurate just like that he's gone.

The thing is I still have to face Jake and the possibility that I could lose him too. Sure I have options I can continue to be with Jake, keep it from him knowing Eli would never tell and just live with guilt until it swallows me alive, I'd probably crack under the pressure and tell eventually. I could break up with him using the party as an excuse then my having sex with Eli wouldn't be relevant or, I can tell him. That's obviously the right thing to do but also the hardest then I risk losing Jake and Eli and having both of them hate me. Can I handle that?

I pull myself together and debate whether I should buy the pill or not. I trust Eli but condoms don't always work? I decide to buy it to be on the safe side now would definitely be a bad time to end up in an unplanned teen pregnancy by Eli. The thought of having a baby with Eli wasn't the worst thing but it certainly wouldn't be the best thing now a few months ago i might have thought differently but I've moved on.

I'll go to my doctor to discuss birth control options and find one that seems right for me. I don't plan on having sex with Eli or Jake at least not anytime soon it's just to be precautions if this does happen again. Don't want another scene in the drug store thankfully it was pretty much deserted.

Walking up to the counter I see Eli's car fly past the doors typical he always drives like a lunatic when he's mad; some nerve to talk about me. I hope he gets home safe. I can't help but wonder if he'll forgive me he was so upset it hurt me more that my actions hurt him than the fact that he was mad at me because I knew deep down he was only mad because he was hurt. When I reached the front of the line I wanted to run and hide from the lock the older women at the checkout counter was giving me why didn't I go somewhere with self check out? After I paid her I wasted not time bolting out the door to my car.

I got home about an hour ago and took the pill and it wasn't lying when it said it could cause nausea. I run to the toilet and vomit yet again, after I flush the toilet I hear my phone ringing so I pick it up without looking I can't ignore people forever.

"Hello" I say exhaustively.

"Hey" The voice spoke calmly that voice that's Eli's voice but why?

"Did you need something?" I ask quickly feeling nausea coming over me again.

"Yeah i wanted to tell you I'm not going to tell Jake so I'd appreciate you not-" I tried to hold it back but i could I dropped the phone and once again heaved into the toilet bowl. I hear Eli going on and on when I pick the phone back up.

"Clare? Are you okay?" He asked concerned.

"I'll be fine not that you care" I tell him sounding miserable.

"Why are you throwing up? Wait you took that pill after I told you I used a condom didn't you?"

" " silence I couldn't get myself to respond.

"Wow you think less of me than I thought anyway I'm not going to tell Jake so don't tell julia" He stated sounding pissed yet again.

"You do what you want Eli i won't tell her but I might tell jake." I tell him honestly resting my head on the lid of the toilet. It takes him a moment but he finally responds.

"What the fuck Clare? Why would you tell him? Do you want to make us both more miserable over this stupid mistake?" He yelled furiously. He's definitely never spoken to me that way I felt my lip quiver and hung up without another word.

Mistake? I knew it wasn't the right thing to do but it hurt hearing him say it especially the way He sounded… so, so hateful. I slowly got up and went back to my room laying down on my bed and for the first time since I slept with Eli I cried over. The worst part is this isn't over.

I still have to figure out what to do about Jake.


	6. Chapter 6

_**authors note- this story is about to take a bit of a dark turn so be cautions, also once again sorry or errors I don't have a beta and just don't have extra time to edit :(**_

 **Beep...Beep...Beep….**

I hear the sound of my alarm waking me from my sleep, I roll over and smack it off the table that pretty much explains my outlook on today. I have to face Jake which means I have to either tell him and confess to my infidelity or lie and hope it doesn't somehow come out or eat me alive inside, this decision feels like a double edge sword either way I'm going to get stabbed.

I get up and throw on the first decent thing I can find not bothering with my hair or makeup or even showering gross I know but might as well look the part of how I feel. I grab my bag and start my journey to school skipping breakfast and any unwanted questioning from my mom. When I arrive at school the first thing I notice is Julia and Eli; Julia sends me a friendly wave whine Eli just glares at me both reactions making me feel like a terrible person.

"Hey Clare, what's up with him?" Adam greets questioning Eli's abnormal behavior.

"No-nothing" I lie. So Eli hasn't told him that's shocking.

"Clare I know you're lying just tell me we both know I'll eventually find out." He responds.

"Adam, I really can't it's a big deal." I say holding my ground.

"It's not like you two had sex or something" Adam laughs until he notice my guilty expression. "You and Eli had sex!" He practically shouts choking on his spit.

"Adam keep it down I don't need anyone finding out, Jake and Julia don't Know" I whisper.

"Well Julia might not but Jake does" Adam states worriedly.

"Wha-" I begin to ask

"He sure does" I hear Jake's voice appear the sounding infuriated sending a cold chill down my spine as I turn to see him standing behind me his eyes shooting daggers at me.

"Jake it was an accident." I say quietly.

"An accident? He asks rhetorically his voice calm but menacing "An accident!" he shouts this time stepping closer to me cause me to flinch.

"I swear I didn't mean too" I whisper not sure if he can hear it.

At this point we have the attention of quite a few people including Eli and Julia, I'm sure Eli knows what's going on but I doubt Julia does not that I can focus on that with Jake intimidatingly close to me full of rage. Poor Adam is standing here not sure what to do and I can feel myself shaking. Suddenly I feel myself hit the ground. Did Jake push me? My question is answered immediately by Eli being over to us in a flash lunging at Jake.

I stay on the ground in horror watching the scene unfold both of them have obvious animosity behind their hits I see blood unsure of of who it belongs to. Finally the fights broken up and Adam pulls me to my feet both Jake and Eli are fighting to get back to the other to continue their brawl until thankfully a teacher walks by.

"This isn't over Eli" Jake hollers before looking over to me. "Come on Clare" Jake calls for me anger still evident in his voice.

I looks at Jake seeing his nose dripping a little blood a scowl on his face glaring my way, then over to Eli; his lip is busted and he's raising his eyebrows at me questioningly probably confused as to why it's take me so long to tell Jake to take a hike. I see Adam waiting to see what happens and Julia nowhere in sight. I wonder if she knows but I wonder more why Eli Defended me. I take a deep breath before taking action.

I walk over to Jake shocking everyone, I hear Adam call me name sounding flabbergasted and disappointed. I feel Jake take a strong possessive hold on my wrist that will surely bruise badly by tomorrow then he yanks me roughly towards his truck. I give Eli an apologetic look knowing he probably feels betrayed that I went with Jake, even though our friendship is non existent right now probably even more so after this. We get a few steps before I hear Eli again.

"Clare, we might not be friends now and what you just did just now going with him is probably the biggest mistake you've ever made but, if he lays a finger on you and I find out I will hurt him. He assures glaring at Jake.

"The biggest mistake she made was you Eli." Jake laugh humorless before continuing to drag me towards his truck.

He forces me into his truck and starts driving, I have no idea where or what he's planning but I'm terrified. I don't know why I came with him, maybe the guilt of cheating feeling as if I deserve to be punished or maybe I was just in pure shock from what was taking place but, I already regret this decision. We arrive at Jake's and he tells me to get out of the car as we reach the door I feel my heart pumping, I follow him up to his room where he shuts the door.

"you're not gonna take to Eli again, got it?" He asks in a threatening way. I hesitantly shake my head not trusting myself to speak. "good, you wanna make it up to me right?" He says Stepping closer to me pushing my hair out of my face.

"Of course" I answer shakily. My nerves only get worse when I hear the sound of his belt being undone. What is he going to do to me? At this point I'm completely frightened.

"Then make me feel good" He says kissing Down my neck. "Get on your knees" he whispers tugging my hair hard.

I gulp trembling over what I'm about to do but listen to his demand In fear of what he might do if I resist. After we finish I feel disgusted with myself and what I just did. I no longer want to be with Jake but I don't feel like it's a choice anymore I'm afraid of him and what he's capable of. I walk home not wanting to go to school I feel to ashamed of myself.

When I get home I Look in the mirror before feeling bile rise from my gut I rush over to the toilet and empty my stomach. Once I finish I was my mouth thoroughly however I still feel gross. I decide to take a scalding hot shower not that any amount of washing will make me feel clean. Before going in my room I notice text from Adam and Jake, I ignore them and instead fall asleep in an attempt to escape my new nightmare of a reality.


	7. Chapter 7

Waking up this morning I still feel disgusting, I never left my room after entering it yesterday afternoon. I decide I should probably read my text messages considering I haven't checked my phone since I saw I had messages from Adam and Jake. I read Adam's first.

 **1:47 pm- Clare why did you go with him?!**

 **2:50 pm- Are you still with him? You need to answer me.**

 **4:00 pm- Are you okay?**

 **6:00 pm- Now you're really making me worry if you don't answer me by 8 I'm texting Eli.**

 **7:58 pm- Don't say I didn't warn you if you're reading this. You better be okay.**

Oh great; I reply to Adam letting him know I'm okay. I sigh seeing Eli's name on my phone with unread messages knowing it's because Adam told him I wasn't replying. You see that's the thing about Eli when he says he's not going to "talk" to me what he really means is he isn't going to have friendly conversation with me or pay any mind to be existence unless he feels it's necessary, don't get me wrong I'm glad he still cares but it's never fine to deal with him in these situations.

I scroll down to Jake's name trying to avoid facing the conversation I have to have with Eli not that Jake's a better option just the thought of him makes my skin crawl but I know I won't have to explain anything to him or convince him I'm okay frankly he doesn't care. I tap on Jake's name reading the one message he sent me.

 **1:45 pm- Why'd you leave so fast we could have had more fun ;)**

I shiver with disgust realizing he actually thinks it was consensual and to top it off he thinks I had fun, the only one that had any fun was him not that I'm going to tell him that. He's clearly not the person I thought he was, the way he behaved yesterday was far from anything I expected from him. I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore but do I have the right to leave him after cheating on him and if I try what would he do to me? Sure I could tell Eli but I feel as though I've caused him enough trouble. Julia's going to find out if she already hasn't I know what we did was both our faults and we deserve the repercussions but I can't help but blame myself more I am the one that showed up at his house. I brace myself opening the messages from Eli.

 **8:01 pm- Clare why aren't you answering your phone? I'm gonna go over to Jake's if you don't answer in an hour.**

 **8:30 pm- Still waiting, you're worrying everyone I don't know why you even left with that lumberjack after the shit he pulled. You don't owe him anything.**

 **9:00 pm- I'm getting in my car to go to Jake's now. I swear if he hurt you he's dead.**

 **9:52 pm- Well you're not there and I have no idea why you aren't answering. If I haven't heard something by the time I wake up I'll be at your house. Oh by the way I may have punched your boyfriend a few more times.**

Shit! I look over to the clock seeing it's 6:30am so Eli is probably gonna be here any min- my thoughts are interpreted by a banging on my door, that would be Eli. I hesitantly get up but right as I turn the door I realize it's not Eli it's just with two black eyes and busted lip This is not good this is so not good. Jake takes a step towards me I take a step back in return.

"Ja-Jake wha-what are you d-doing here?" I stutter trying not to look worried that Eli will be here any minute.

"Well I'm coming to ask you why you sent your friend last night." He says his voice eerily calm.

"I didn't Jake." I keep my voice steady this time while making more space between us.

"lies" He growls grabbing my hair roughly pulling my face to his "you know what happens to liars right Clare? They get punished." He then throws me to the bed climbing on top of me ripping my clothes off.

"Jake my mom's here." I say trying to get him to stop he chuckles darkly.

" No she's not she left when I came up." He grins biting down on my neck like a rabid animal.

I hiss in pain feeling warm liquid dripping down my neck I realize it must be blood from his vicious bite, I cry beg and plead for him to stop but he won't. His eyes are blank of emotion and I know he's not going to stop but I can't stop my cries as his hands violently grip my body. I close my eyes tightly waiting for the worst when I feel Jake's weight lifted off of me. I open my eyes seeing him and Eli once again throwing blows at each other.

I scream for them to stop even trying to physically pull them apart but it's no use I'm to weak. I come to the conclusion I have no other choice but to call the cops before someone gets seriously hurt. I pull out my phone dialing the number. As I'm giving the police all necessary information neither boy notices, the dispatcher I talked to was very nice and assured me someone would be there soon.

Minutes felt like ages but finally helped arrived quickly pulling the two irate boys apart and I can finally breathe again but that only last for a moment. My relief quickly turned to panic when they informed me they would be taking statements from all three of us regarding the events that lead to the two brawling on my floor.

Would I have to tell them about cheating on Jake with Eli? About Jake finding out about it yesterday and his reaction to it what happened between us after or that this is actually Jake and Eli's third violent encounter over the last 24 hours?

The worst thing of all is I know I'm going to have to tell them what happened with Jake this morning if I want what Eli did to make since that is.


	8. Chapter 8

After being questioned they let Eli go but took Jake to the station and charged him for what he had done to me he was quite as they lead him out of my house by the look in his eyes spoke volumes the things they were saying were terrifying. Eli and I are currently standing in my living room he's staring at me I can feel it I however am staring at the ground to avoid looking at him.

"Clare look at me." Eli breaks the silence his voice monotone.

"Thanks." I whisper afraid my voice might crack if I speak any louder as I look up at him.

"Why didn't you tell me? You know I would have taken care of it."

"You were mad at me and I don't really know Eli I didn't want to burden you especially after what happened when Julia finds out she-"

"She already knows Clare, Julia and me our relationship is a joke you know that. You'll always come first to me, you're the furthest thing from a burden" He reassures staring me in the eyes I look back down only to have him come over tilting my head back up.

"Was what happened between us really that big of a mistake? Other than the obvious reasons like our relationships with other people." I ask him timidly feeling nervous over what he might say. I'm not sure why it hurts to think he feels that way but it does.

"Yes." I feel my heart drop for a moment before he continues to answer. "And no, it was a mistake because it's caused problems with us and everything with Jake and of course the fact that neither of us were single made it wrong, but other than the bad timing I think it would have happened eventually if you want my honest opinion the timing was terrible though."

I stare at him quiz matically tilting my head from one side to the other similar to a dog begging for a treat, what does he mean by that? Does it mean what think it does; that he's felt the same connection I have all this time and was choosing to hide it also? As terrified as I am to ask i have no other choice I need to know.

"What are you saying Eli?" I ask him boldly giving him my full attention

"I'm saying I've always thought we would end up together, the way I feel about you I could never feel about someone else. I didn't want us to rush into something neither of us are ready for; we're both young we don't know how to handle a serious relationship look how our relationships have gone So far? I didn't want us to end up like that. So I've been waiting for the right time." He tells me looking into my eyes i know him well enough to know he meant every word of what he said making my jaw practically smack down to the floor.

What do I say now? I had feelings for Eli do I still? I pushed them aside for Jake but I have to admit deep down I knew I was lying to myself I love Eli I always and probably always will just the way he said I don't think I could ever feel the way I do for him for someone else. It will always be him that I truly want.

"I feel the same way." I finally say smiling softly at him my smile grows wider when I see the huge grin on his face.

We both stand there smiling at each other like idiots for such a long time I'm embarrassed to admit before Eli finally says something.

"So what does this mean for us, are we going to be together? He asks straightforward.

I don't honestly know what this means we have admitted to having feelings for each other the passes the line of friendship but we're both still young and clearly don't know how to handle relationships yet. If we get together now we could ruin our whole friendship the way I thought us having sex did. Had he even forgiven me for that? It would seem that way but when it comes to Eli you really can never be sure, he can be vary all over the place with his emotions sometimes it came be to much even scary but I love him anyway so I hope this means he's forgiven me. I'm still unsure of how to answer the question my heart wants this but my brain isn't agreeing.

What about Julia are her and Eli still a couple he said she knows but he never said anything about them breaking up. She probably hates me now; I can't blame her I'd hate me too. If they are still together I can't be with Eli I refuse to come between them anymore than I already have regardless of what Eli said about their relationship being a joke that doesn't give me the right to date him as soon as he dumps her if she hasn't already dumped him or even if she did break up with him I can't immediately be with him flaunting it for her to see.

But, I do love him I want to be with him so badly couldn't turning him down also cause another problem with our relationship. I feel so much weight on my shoulders over this decision. I'm truly damned if I do damned If I don't here neither decision is a good one.

I look up at Eli his eyes looking at me like he's trying to figure out what I'm think if he knows me as well as he should it should take him long to see total confusion in my expression from the inner conflict I'm having however I've made up my mind over what I have to do even though I'm still conflicted. I take a deep Breath before opening my mouth only to close it again second guessing myself.

"Eli we can't be together." I look him dead in the eyes seeing his emotions run rampant.


	9. Chapter 9

"Are you kidding me?" Eli paces the floor tugging at the roots of his hair "seriously Clare this has to be a joke."

I'm serious Eli-"

"So that's how it is? I confess my inner feelings to you and this is what I get? If you feel the same what's so hard about being with me? We've already fucked up our friendship what do we have to lose Clare?"

He has a valid point but what about Julia? Jake? What will everyone have to say about us? There is already enough talk floating around the halls about us this would only add fuel to the fire can we handle that?

"What about Julia and the rest of our friends even people we don't know Eli? They will put so much pressure on us from the start?"

"I don't care about any of that I care about you! At this point it's really all or nothing Clare I can't just be friends with you now that you know how I feel and I know who you do."

I look deep into his eyes and I know he means this it's an ultimatum either I give in and give him all of me agreeing to be his or I loose my best friend completely and I know my heart can't take that. I drop my head in my hands this is not the position I wanted to be in. This morning as been a whirlwind of emotions and my thoughts are flurrying around my head rapidly. I don't want to do this but I don't have much of a choice at this point do I?

"Okay El,." I walk closer to him. "I'll be with you."

"I love you Clare," he says taking my head in his hands. "I'm in love with"

"I'm in love with you too Eli, i'm just scared, i'm so scared" I spilled.

"I won't let anything happen to you, you know that."

"That's not what i'm afraid of."

"Then why are you scared?" He questions brushing my hair out of my face.

"Losing you" I feel tears brimming my eyes. It has been an emotional morning to say the least my emotions are rampant.

"never " Eli sys before connecting his lips to mine. Our hands exploring each other for the first time says the night of Jake's party reminding how much I missed Eli's touch without evening knowing how much I loved it in the first place.

After wasting the morning wrapped up in each other and the uncertainty of what will come of us we decided to come to school for the rest of the day might as well face it now if i prolong it i'm not sure if i'll ever do it so hand in hand Eli and I walk into degrassi, Eli had already sent Julia a message informing her of everything she never replied, I have to admit i'm afraid to face her; i'm not better then Jenna i'm a boyfriend stealing bitch, we were friends and I betrayed her in such a big way. Sure I loved Eli first but he was hers, before I even met her I knew he was hers but I didn't care drunk or not I knew what I was doing in the moment but I did it anyway so I deserve whatever backlash comes of this but that doesn't mean i'm prepared for it. Walking through the hall we receive quite a few stairs i'm not shocked we had gone from best friends to drunken sex partners enemies and now together? Thats a lot to do in such a short time it probably has their heads spinning. The first familiar face we cross is Adam he seems happy for us another wary over how fast we jumped into this granted the feelings had always been there we still did a 180 which can have terrible repercussions as i'm about to find out as I see julia making her way down the hallway towards us with an unreadable expression.

"Hello love birds" she chirps eerily happy.

"Listen julia I never meant for all this to happen I swear i'm sorry-" I blabber

"Relax Clare no hard feelings over you being a religious whore" she smiles almost as if she hadn't just insulted me leaving me speechless for a few moments.

Julia-" I try again.

"No Clare really it's fine. This just means we'll get even more time together." Eli and I both look at her confused not know what she's getting at wouldn't this mean us parting ways? We can't be friends now.

"Excuse me? I ask my voice coming out weak and confused.

"Oh well I suppose now is as good a time as ever to spill the beans I mean you both need to know" Her words make worry run through my veins what is she talking about I grip Eli's hand tighter. " That abortion? Well it never happened i'm still pregnant." smiles " well gotta go i'll be in touch you two." and with that she walks away.

What just happened? Did things really blow up this bad this fast. I look over to Eli seeing his pale face his expression as if he had seen a ghost, clearly he had been certain she had gotten an abortion because he looks like her words drained the life from him, he doesn't dare to look at me probably terrified of my reaction. I don't know how to react; I love him a baby doesn't change that but that doesn't mean i'm strong enough to stand by his side while another girl carries his child or deal with them having to raise the baby together. Am I even willing to try? Is it an acceptable reason to desert my best friend and what I feel is the love of my life? Babies are blessings right? I can't expect him to abandon his child for me so I have two choices Either break this off and hope I don't lose him or stand by his side and hope it works out.

"Clare, look you don't have to be with me after this I understand if-"

"Eli" I turn to face him taking his head in my hands I notice the emotions racing through him the most notable being fear; it's not like him to be afraid all I want to do is take it away. " we'll get through this together. I love you"

" What am I going to do Clare?"

"Be a dad."


End file.
